Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
