I hate all girls vehemently.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
