I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
