The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
