Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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