our cab driver is having phone sex.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
