i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
