My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
