the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
