She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
