I just threw up on my dentist
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I could fuck to npr.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
