watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
