I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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