At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize