there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just want nice things and good sex
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
