I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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