I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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