A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
