between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
