quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
