If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
