its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize