I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
