I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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