shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
