you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
