I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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