remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
