I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
