What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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