just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
