No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize