Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
