really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
