today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
me + whiskey = a bad person
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
