Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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