3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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