It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
