I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
