The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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