WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
