Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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