Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
