So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
