Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
