Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
