Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
