Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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