I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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