i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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