remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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