I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
