I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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