Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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