I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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