Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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