So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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