its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
