So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Damn victory sex feels great
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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