Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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