Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
