My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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