Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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