The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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