and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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