Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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