And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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